Four Twats in Los Santos
by GinoThePizzamaker
Summary: A lighthearted story of four friends tackling the treacherous streets of Los Santos in the holy pursuit of the Big Dolla. Based on my GTAO experience.
1. Chapter 1

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

David - Protag, relatively friendly and very patient. Unhealthily obsessed with fashion and style.

Richard - Easy-going, megalomaniac, dash of egotism and one of the fattest bank accounts in Los Santos. Loves flexing his wealth in every possible situation. Met David on LI a few months prior.

Nick - Bombastic upcoming businessman, under Richard's wing. A friend of David from a long time ago, reunited in the never-sleeping city.

Alex - Newest addition to the crew, a friend of Nick's. Bit of a klutz, but not dead weight either. Came to Los Santos on request from Nick, to join in on the fun.

"Please fasten your seatbelts, we are about to land at LSIA. The time is 19:40, and the temperature is a cool 26° Celsius. We hope you enjoy your stay at Los Santos, but we hope to see you again on one of our flights."

I excitedly look out the window, and see the tall skyscrapers burst from the clouds as the plane starts its final descent. Los Santos, one of the most famous cities on Earth. Richie called me here a few weeks ago, and since I had nothing else back in San Fierro, I sold my stuff and bought a ticket to Los Santos.

One of the hostesses calls out to me to fasten my seatbelt, and I can't help noticing her rather curvy body. I whistle in a low tone, so only she can hear me. She blushes and walks off. Your charm strikes again, bud.

As I leave the terminal, I recieve a message on my phone.

'Stay there. You'll know who I am.'

Five minutes pass, then ten. I'm starting to get bored, but then I hear loud music in the distance. Under my disbelief-filled eyes, a long Patriot, painted the exact wrong shade of purple, rolls up on the curb in front of me. To those who think cars can't talk, you're wrong. This one can, and it sends a simple message.

'My owner is so rich he literally has no clue how to spend his money'

The driver's door opens, and a figure walks out in front of me. We gaze at each other, examining the guy in front of us. I note his flashy business suit, his sleek sunglasses and his brown hipster haircut, while the other guy observed his long black coat, his blue flat cap, along with his red hair flowing to his shoulders. He speaks first.

"David?"

"Rich?"

A massive grin erupts on his face.

"It is you, isn't it?"

My face mirrors his.

"Last time I checked."

We both burst out laughing and bear hug each other. A manly hug, hard and short.

"Finally come to Los Santos, have you, eh? This place is a damn honeypot, I'll tell you that. Serious money flows here, and if you want, I can tap you into it."

"Now you're speaking my language. First things, though. Got anywhere I can stay for a few days?"

"Well, my second apartment is empty these days, so I guess you can crash there for the time being. But first, you need three things. A gun, a car, and an unhealthy amount of drinks."

Both of our grins widens even more. Time to show Los Santos who's boss.  



	2. Chapter 2

Our first two endeavors went quite smoothly. I bought a pistol in a shop, totalling 100$ off my 8k starting budget, and ingested an inordinate amount of alcohol for the low low price of free, thanks to Rich.

"And this is my Nightclub. Best place in Los Santos for having braindead fun and stocking industrial quantities of illegal stock. Made sure of it."

He gestures towards the writhing mass of people on the dance floor.

"Idiots. All of them. But rich idiots, easily scammed and emptied of their riches. Favorite type."

He's slurring a bit but oh well. I'm not in better shape, to be quite honest with you. We've both drunk half the whiskey in the joint, and we're stumbling like, well, drunkards on a boat in a storm. As we descend into the garage, Rich starts perking up, and I know exactly why.

It's flexing time.

He immediately starts showing off his cars, so many I can't even recognize the models of most of them. But it all falls away when I see Her. I stumble towards Her in a drunken haze, and I catch Richie's smile.

"The Zentorno, eh? Good choice. Now, let's get you some proper wheels."

We bust out, tyres squealing and engine screaming, and shoot off into the Los Santos streets. Many cars pass by, but there is one I see that stands out among the rest, near the LifeInvader building.

"Stop, right here."

Richie parks the supercar precisely in the middle of the road, and I get out. He follows me with his eyes as I stumble with conviction towards a Bravado Gauntlet, complete with a scared looking occupant. I toss open the door, and unceremoniously throw him down onto the asphalt, while Rich watches on.

I climb in, and hit the accelerator. He hollers and quickly catches up.

"What's this? Doesn't look like much, I'll tell ya."

"Shut up. It's nice. I like it."

It's a very nice car indeed. Beautiful, too. Bit less after I plough through a crowd of pedestrians. I furrow my brow. That wasn't supposed to happen.

"You're supposed to drive on the road, ya twit."

My brow goes up as he plows through three streetlamps in a row after saying this.

"Hypocrite."

Somehow we reach LSC, and I drive my car inside. The guy inside raises an eyebrow at the spatters of blood, but says nothing. Guess Los Santos is that type of place after all. He charges me 3k for the whole package: repairs, tracker and insurance. He hands me a catalog of colors, and I flip through it.

I settle on a metallic dark blue, and color the stripe black. After missing the handle twice, I burst out of the repair shop and into the parking lot.

Rich whistles when he sees the car. He starts vehemently clapping.

"That's actually very nice, I didn't know a petty street car could look that good."

"Yeah right, see for yourself. This 'petty street car' could whoop your ass too."

"Bet?"

This was a horrible idea. A few minutes later, we're in a large scale police chase and down a tire. How did this happen?


	3. Chapter 3

Now this is not good at all. We tear down the highway in my newly acquired whip, shooting back with my basic pistol while Rich blasts away happily with a ridiculously modified SMG as we power on despite a popped tire. And behind us is a horde of LSPD cruisers, carelessly and ruthlessly ripping through traffic like a pack of angry bulls through a china emporium.

What happened? The car kinda left me strapped on cash, and Rich said that robbing liquor stores was one of the best ways to get some spare change in my pockets. Turns out it's not exactly legal. It also turns out that the LSPD, clumsy and corrupt as it may be, is extremely quick in dispatching its forces. Richie yells something at me, but I can't hear him over the gunfire, the screeching tyres and angry shouting cops.

"Let me drive, take the gun!"

In a rather risky and slightly awkward maneuver, we shift seats, while Rich hands me his gun. I lean out of the window halfway and start spraying. The first burst pops a tire and sends the cruiser careening along the highway, before smashing into another, sending that one crashing into a streetlight and exploding in a satisfying blast.

"Good shot, David! You..."

A bullet smashes into the car window, sending a spiderweb of cracks across the windscreen.

"...having fun?"

He seems to be enjoying himself. I shoot one bullet straight between the eyes of the cop that fired that shot, and grit my teeth as his colleague straight up throws the corpse out of the car before grabbing the steering wheel himself.

"Cops here are something else, eh?"

"You bet! They're sending choppers, so use this."

He hands me a clip with a yellow finish. I give Rich a curious look, to which he just says:

"Handle with care!"

I hear the rotors now, and look out to see a police chopper, complete with two tactically outfitted officers on the sides, coming up behind us. I calm my breath among the thundering gunfire, tap Richie's gun on the hood of the car, and line up the scope with the pilot.

"You don't need to aim with those bullets, just shoot, man! C'mon!"

"Yeah, what are they? Auto-seeking bullets?"

I smirk and press the trigger. My face shifts to one of disbelief as the first shot liquefies the pilot, the second only leaves an arm of the agent on the side, and the third slams into the engine, detonating before the entire chopper explodes mid-air.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THOSE BULLETS, MAN?"

He just laughs as we reach Paleto Bay, and take a detour on the beach, merrily mowing down casual beach-goers relaxing in the warm evening.

"You're paying for the damages to my car, right?"

"Don't worry about those, man. Just live in the moment for once!"

One of the cops gets a lucky shot on the other back tire, and we swerve uncontrolledly on the sand, sending a snogging couple lying next to a fire straight to Heaven with many broken bones and busted organs.

"Rich, we can't keep going for long!"

"I know a place, just let me get the GPS! You keep the cops off us just a bit longer!"

He's losing his peppy demeanor and has his lips tightly snapped together in concentration. I keep firing at the cops while he hands me the clips, and I soon realize he's doing quite a lot by himself. Note to self, buy him a very expensive drink when we're out. If we get out.

Past Mount Chiliad, he swerves onto a dirt road, sending us flying over a pick-up driven by an astonished looking redneck. I fire one of the explosive bullets at the truck, making a rather ugly woman somewhere a widow. Never liked rednecks, anyway.

We pull up on a dirt runway, if that even makes sense, and Rich jumps out of the car. I follow suit, before the cop cars arrive. He starts running towards some sort of private plane, a Velum model. He hops on one of the wings and gestures inside.

"You're piloting, get this thing revved up while I hold them off!"

"Why?"

"You've actually flown a plane once, if that shit on LifeInvader wasn't just a lie!"

Righto. As I hop in and start pressing buttons, Rich pulls a honest-to-God machine gun out of his pocket and starts firing at the car that has just arrived at the landing strip. As I finish startup procedures and the propeller starts spinning, Rich throws a few somethings towards the back of the strip.

The plane starts moving, and he scrambles to get back in. We gain velocity, and Richie taps me on the shoulder and points backward. I spare a glance and see the cop cars exploding, probably from that little present my friend gave them.

"And with that, we're clear. Good job, Dave, my boy. You've successfully escaped your first police chase."

"Really? We're clear?"

"Cops are too lazy to keep searching once you're gone for a while. Helps us underground folk wonders. Besides, I can pilot too. Just wanted to test you out. And with that, you've made it official."

"What?"

"You've now transformed into a regular Los Santos citizen. Same as all of us crooks. Wanted, but never catchable. You're a real criminal now. Now I can really say, Welcome to Los Santos."


End file.
